• 100 programming offences to commit before you die

    100 programming offences to commit before you die

    I’ve been ticking a few checkboxes on Facebook recently then finding that there are many people who have already eaten everything and been everywhere. So I wondered… who would admit to “100 offences to commit before you die”?  Here’s a slightly modified version for geeks and techno-babblists.

    1. Develop buggy code
    2. Forget to write comments
    3. Steal someone else’s code
    4. Fail to test something
    5. Use GOTO
    6. Write bloatware
    7. Fail to develop to standards
    8. Make it over-complicated
    9. Forget about the performance
    10. Ignore error handling
    11. Completely misinterpret the requirements
    12. Spend a day or longer testing the wrong code
    13. Forget to include a Copyright statement with the correct years
    14. Fail to consider  i18n or L10n
    15. Deny the existence of a bug in your code
    16. Don’t use version control
    17. Don’t take a backup
    18. Make it almost impossible to trace/debug
    19. Invoke the heavy duty buck passing logic diagram
    20. Fail to draw the big picture
    21. Admit to knowing how to program in IBM 360 Assembler, APL or PL/I
    22. Write Object Oriented code unnecessarily
    23. Drop a deck of punched cards
    24. Try to make the code perfect
    25. Close an issue as “User error” then release a fix
    26. Criticise code you don’t yet understand
    27. Write a never ending loop
    28. Cause a system test machine to crash completely
    29. Disbelieve what’s happening on the test machine and try it on the live machine as well
    30. Write insecure code
    31. Not know the “Top 10 questions to ask when problem solving”
    32. Go over budget
    33. Try to backup an 80 GB drive to a single 800MB CD
    34. Develop the solution before sizing it
    35. Get bored with writing documentation
    36. Use meaningless variable names such as dracula or montecristo… since they’re both counts
    37. Write rude comments – whether intentionally or not
    38. Assume people will know how to use what you’ve developed
    39. Decide the solution then make the requirements fit it
    40. Assume everyone knows binary, octal and hexadecimal and other bases
    41. Invent and then use more backronyms than absolutely necessary
    42. Respond Y to an “Are you sure?” prompt when you didn’t know what the question was.
    43. Log in as root and do something really silly
    44. Not realise you wrote an assignment (=) instead of a comparison (==) or vice-versa
    45. Cause a syntax error by writing a blank line of code
    46. Admit to releasing code containing a bug and say “I didn’t think you’d find it”
    47. Type your password into a website without checking it’s the right website
    48. Change your password to a previous one and get re-phished
    49. Abandon a worthwhile project before it’s half done.

    Let me know your score. Mine’s 49

    Contact me


    2019 updates


    1. Restart a legacy project.
    2. Fiddle with CSS without fully understanding the consequences.
    3. Not learnt a new language invented this century.
    4. Pretend to understand JavaScript EcmaScript.
    5. Buy online courses then forget to do them.
    6. git commit multiple changes.
    7. git commit with the wrong issue number.
    8. Ruin a git repository.
    9. Intentionally mispell Wordpress with a lower case p.
    10. Unintentionally cause the intentional mispelling of Wordpress by someone else to become WordPress and therefore completely change the meaning of the original message. See bobbingwide/genesis-a2z#20
    11. Fix the problem in your environment only.
    12. Not bothered to raise a defect on the original code.
    13. Not bothered to offer a patch.
    14. Not written unit tests for new code.
    15. Not learnt how to write unit tests for every language you use.
    16. Failed to implement Continuous Integration.
    17. Commit some code then raise the issue.
    18. Use the wrong tool for the job.
    19. Fail to use your own debugging checklist.
    20. Not own a rubber duck.
    21. Assume three polar bears equals one rubber duck.
    22. Give one of your polar bears a name that would break a code of conduct.
    23. Ignore PhpStorm’s messages about coding standards.
    24. Comment out code rather than deleting it
    25. Write @TODO‘s that you know you’ll never revisit.
    26. Abandon a worthwhile project when only 75% done.

    Let me know your score. Mine’s 75.

    Contact me

    1. Forgetting to update the theme’s CSS to enable item 51. to work
    2. Not documenting how you implemented some hack that involves changing serialised data for admin user capabilities in the wp_options table.
    3. Spending too long trying to remember how you did it

    24th October: I’m up to 78 now!

    2020 updates

    New Year’s Eve, 31st December 2020.

    1. Start counting from a value other than 0 or 1.
    2. Omit the > from an arrow operator -> and wonder why the function can’t be found.
    3. Cause a serious disk space issue ( see 28. and 29. ).
    4. Forget to commit new files to SVN.
    5. Don’t allow for operating system’s idiosyncrasies.
    6. Pretend to understand REGEX.

    ,

    Published:

    Last updated:

    December 31, 2020

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